Where Have U/I Been???

Well, I haven't been posting because nothing new is going on.  I am still on my eating binge and eating everything in site.  I have not lost any weight in the last two weeks, I am holding steady at 205 lbs.  :-(

I have to admit that I haven't been trying to lose weight, but I haven't tried because I just haven't been motivated.  I mean, I WANT to lose weight, but it just isn't happening.  I don't know what I am going to do to kick this unmotivational spell that is going on in my life.

The same thing with my Mary Kay business.  It is dead in the water, and I am thinking about getting out of it because I am just not doing well.  People keep cancelling appointments, or saying they are going to purchase items then that doesn't happen.

I enjoyed the parties that I have had, but I am putting more time and effort into the Mary Kay then I am getting money in return.  Can't have that happening!

Today is Lily's 5th birthday!  So it is a good day!  She got to go to Mr. Gatti's and the park, so she is a happy camper.  Tomorrow is her birthday party, and I am hoping it turns out to be a blast for her, which I am sure that it will.

Overeating....

That is how I feel!  I have done NOTHING BUT EAT and EAT all week long!  All I can say is, I better enjoy it cause I am going to start holding myself accountable again next week.

My "fat pants" are tight, so something is wrong with this picture.  If they get too tight,  I don't have any clothes to wear.  How pathetic am I?  I seriously need to find some motivation and get back on track.

Little Lily has been wanting to walk, and I have been putting her off.  No more!  When she wants to walk from now on, we are going to walk.  If a 4 year old can do it, then so can I!

I have a trip into Sonny's this weekend with my cousin, then my lifestyle change will go into effect.  If only I could get the Hubster to start this journey with me....  It would make things alot easier.  But I know that you have to depend on yourself, you can't let others determine how you live your life.

Keep me in your prayers, and keep those fingers crossed that I can do this!

Ta-ta for now.............

Bacon candy...

I am sure is as unhealthy as it sounds!  It is dates wrapped in bacon, then baked until golden brown and YUMMY!  I just had my feel of them.  Boy were they good!

I weighed myself this morning, and I weighed 204 lbs.  The most that I have officially weighed in my life.  SO I am going to live it up this week, and next week I am going to start back on WW's and lose this damn weight.

I am sure that you are probably tried of hearing me whine about it, and do nothing to control it.  Well, I am going to start controlling it.  I look like I am pregnant.  And if someone asks me if I am, I think I will punch them in the face!

Here's to living up the week......

Who gets a lawnmower stuck

I do!  It was seriously an accident.  Of course it would be an accident, but I feel like a dumbass.  I was mowing under the swingset, and put is in reverse, but it keep going forward and got stuck under the swingset.  I mean REALLY STUCK!  Then I had to come in and tell the hubster.  So he is out there now trying to get it unstuck.  I hope he can.  Man, it was really stuck!

Still not doing any better on my weight loss.  I am just not motivated.  I mean, I WANT to lose weight, but I just can't stay away from food.  I just enjoy eating way too much.

I haven't been to WW in two weeks cause I know that I haven't lost any weight. I am such a big wuss.  I should just go and weigh in.  See the damage and maybe that would motivate me.

I had a Mary Kay get together yesterday that went pretty well.  I have another one tomorrow night, and hopefully it will go good.  Wish me luck on my Mary Kay adventures...

Well, going to go grab some fruit for breakfast, later gater................

Only Thursday

Today has felt like Friday!  ALL DAY I have thought that it was Friday, so tomorrow is going to fell like forever when I go to work.  I am hoping not since I am taking off at 12:30 though.  :-)

I had Mexican for dinner, it was yummy.  I am getting fatter than a tick, so I am going to HAVE TO get serious about this weight loss thing and start to lose weight.  I hate feeling this way.  My "fat pants" are tight, NOT a good sign.

I am going to try to start being good and not eating all the jun food that I have been eating.  I have probably had a dozen chocolate bars the last 2 weeks.  Not good.  Pepsi out the wazoo. Not good.  Just food that I shouldn't be eating all around.

Why oh why does weight loss have to be so hard?

Please send up a prayer for me that I can get this beast under control and get myself healthy!

Talk to you guys later.......

Mark Kay Party...

I had my first Mary Kay Party today!  Thank you Debbie, Debbie, Lisa, and Martha.  I think that it went pretty well.  It was my FIRST one after all.

The ladies seemed to have a good time, so that's all that matters.  I was nervous on what to say about the product, because I am not 100% familiar with the products yet, but I will get there.  I just need to practice, practice, practice on the products until I get them down.

Food wise, I am still eating everything in front of me.  No changes there.

Walking-isn't much better.  I need to get up over that mile mark and start aiming for 2-3 miles.

I just don't feel motivated.  Being fat just isn't motivation enough I guess.  :-(

It is thundering here now, so we are getting ready for some nasty weather.  We were hoping that it would be nice for when Lindsey and Lucian came over so that the kiddos could swim.  Maybe next time...

Well, gotta run.  Going to have my second Mary Kay party at 6:00 and I need to get prepared!  Wish me luck!   I hope this Mary Kay adventure works out for me!

Laters gaters...................

Losing the battle. :-(

I think that I am losing this weight lose battle.  My weight loss has been non-existent, and I can't seem to stop eating everything that is put in front of me.  I am really discouraged right now, and need some words of encouragement.

I think that I am going to pray that God give me the strength to lose this weight and become healthy for my babies and my husband, cause doing it alone is getting me no where.  :-(

My blog has been MIA because there has been nothing to post except for disappointments.

I went to Weight Watchers last week and had gained back the 3 lbs that I lost the weeks before.  Not good.  I don't think that I am going to go to WW this week, there is no point.

I am just a big, fat failure.

Watermelon........

Just had a yummy, seedless watermelon for dinner!  YUM YUM!

I used all my WW points today and had to find something that was filling, and I think that I found it.  Could I eat something else? Of course!  Am I hungry?  No, not really.  Why oh why do I just eat when I am not hungry?

At WW class last night they talked about emotional eating.  Eating when you are bored falls into that category, and I think that is me.  I just eat when I am bored.  You would think with everything going on that I wouldn't get bored.

Or maybe its stress?  With everything going on, maybe that is why I eat.  Because it is something that I can easily control.  

WHO KNOWS!  I just want to be skinny again.  At least be at a healthier weight. Like 150 lbs.  That would be awesome!!

Today was an okay day at work.  I wish a few things could have went differently, but I guess it how to go the way it did....

I didn't walk last night, and I am not walking tonight (or at least I don't think that I am going to).  I have been working on getting the house cleaned up and getting party bags together.

Alexis is so excited that her friends may come over.  I hope and pray they do (Say a little prayer for her that they do).  She has a difficult time making friends due to Asbergers Syndrome, so her even wanting friends to come over in a step in the right direction.  

Well, going to run and finish cleaning.

Have a great night all........

Beans and cornbread

That's what was for dinner.



 I tried to be good, but my mom makes the best pinto beans and cornbread.  :-)

I didn't weight myself today, and I don't think that I am going to weigh myself until Thursday morning (Thursday night is weigh in).  Cross your fingers and say a prayer that I am at least even-steven on the scales.  I would love to have lost a lb. but I don't think that is going to be the case.

Just finished walking my mile, and I am sweaty and hot.  Not sure how well I am going to do walking when the weather gets hotter and hotter.  I am not big on sweating.  lol  I know that it is a necessary evil, but yuck!

Work went by fast today, but today is my busy day.  I have conference calls out the ying yang.  I am glad that it is Tuesday!  Only 3 more days to go, then it is Alexis's birthday!

Well, going to run.  Actually walk over to the bed and rest for a few.

Later y'all............

Getting back on track.

I have been back on track today with WW.  Although I am up like 4 lbs.  :-(   I was excited about going to my meeting last week because I was down a lb, now I am up.  I am not sure if I will go to the meeting now or not.  I need to go for accountability sake, I know.  But it is embarrassing to gain weight instead of losing.  I just hate that.

I mean, no one knows except the Leader who is weighing me in.  But it is still embarrassing.  I feel like such a failure when I do this.  Why can't I just learn and stop doing it?  The binge eating, the countless points I inhale.  Could all be stopped if I just stopped what I was doing and thought it out.

On a happier note, I walked again today. Lily and I walked that is.  She is such good little company.  Can't get Alexis to walk with me.  She is too busy playing her video games.

Our pool is officially open!  Beau got it all cleaned up and opened yesterday.  So we can definitely have a pool party for Alexis's birthday this weekend.

Well, gotta get ready for a Mary Kay meeting.  Will chat later. ...

Mary Kay Consultant........

Well, it is official.  I am a Mary Kay Beauty Consultant.  So if you need some beauty products, please let me know.  I will be starting my website soon.  So you can order easily over the net.

I did walk a mile and a half yesterday, and a mile today.  The walks are seemingly starting to feel easier, so that is awesome.  Maybe I can build up to 2 miles a day!  That would be awesome!

My eating has been off the hook!  I have been eating everything placed NEAR me and have not been tracking, so not good.  I am not expecting a loss this week.  SAD FACE  :(

Went to the cabin today with my family, and all had a good time.  It is nice to just spend time with family and not worry about anything else.  

Hope all is having a great Memorial Day weekend!

Laters...........

It's my Friday...

WHOOP!  WHOOP!  



It's my Friday!  I took tomorrow off and I have Monday off, so I have a 4 day weekend.  YIPPEEE!

Just got off work for the day. Beau and I have to go to Lexington for a doctors appointment.  Need to run a few errands while we are up there.  Get a gift card from Target or Babies-r-Us for a lady that I indirectly work with.

Just got back for Lexington.  Got a gift card from Target.  Got me a couple of tank tops, and 2 denim skirts (one gray and one jean).  The doctor appt went well, and the day hasn't been as long as I thought it was going to be. 

Stopped at Wendy's and ate too much as usual.  Why can't I get my eating under control?  I think that it must all be in my head!  

Not walking tonight because it is too late.  My legs are sore from jogging some yesterday.

Laters....

Turkey, Ranch,& Bacon.....

Turkey, ranch and bacon sandwich from Arby's IS NOT my friend!  21 WW pts!  That is almost the whole days worth, which I get 30!  I am such a sucker for those sandwiches, and I had one for lunch today.  So now, I don't have any points left for the day (and I haven't had dinner).   I only have 7 extra points left for the week and we are supposed to go to Lexington tomorrow so I will probably go over my points for the week.BOO  :-(

Just got back from my mile walk and I am sweaty as can be.  It is only like 84 degrees outside, so I don't know what I am going to do when it gets hotter.  I about didn't make it back this time.  I jogged a couple of times during the walk.  I didn't time myself  I just looked ahead for a point and ran until I got to that point.  Not sure if that's the right way to do it or not, but that is what I have been doing   Why can't I just be a runner already?  Was does it  have to be hard for me?  Why can't I be a natural born runner?  I would SO love that! 

Work actually went by quick today.  YAY!  I just don't want to be there lately.  I think I have spring fever.  It is so nice outside and the kids are getting ready for summer break.  I just hate feeling like I miss all that time with them.  I wish I could be a stay at home mom.  But not possible with our finances.

That is one reason Mary Kay is looking more interesting.  For that extra income.  I am still praying about it, and hopefully God will give me an answer soon!

Well, gotta run get the kiddos!  

Laters......

 Gotta keep moving....

Binge eating........

I did good most of the day!  I counted all my points, had a tomato and cucumber for veggies and fruits.  Had a Smartone for breakfast, and a calzone for lunch.  Which was a whopping 15 pts!  Almost to meals but it was worth it.

My MIL gave me a flat of strawberries, so I will have strawberries tomorrow.  YUMMY!

The problem: the binge at Wendy's that I had.  :-(   I had a Jr. bacon cheeseburger, 4 piece nuggets, and small chili.  WTH!  Isn't that alot for one person?  Especially after my calzone?  How, more WHY did I eat all that?

On my way home, my belly started gurgling and I barely made it home to the bathroom  Which serves me right!  I should never have had all that food.  I wasn't even really hungry.  I had to force the chili down.  Why didn't I save it for tomorrow you ask?  Again, who knows.  :-(

So disgusted with myself....

On a better note, I had a nice evening last night at the Mary Kay banquet that Regina invited me too.  It seems like a very good idea to sell the Mary Kay, but I just don't know if I have the time or the personality for it.  I am praying about it, so we will see.

Well, I am going to head to bed.  It has been a long day.

How I feel after Wendy's!

Nite nite.............

Jogging....

Yes, that is what I look like when I jog!  lol  I think that I am getting a little better at jogging, I jogged a  little longer and a little further this morning when I went for my walk.  I jogged more at the beginning and middle of the walk, and I could barely muster up the energy to jog at the end.  It was a joke to be honest.  It was jog, walk, jog, walk, walk, jog.  Nothing to be proud of at the end.  But I am proud that I did a little better at the beginning and middle.  I may end up being a jogger yet.!

I had a Smartone's waffle and sausage for breakfast. It was 7 pts.  I was going to have a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios but it was 10 pts.  Gotta save those precious points!  :-)

The weather has been kind of humid, so after my walk  I feel nasty and need a shower immediately after.  I dread that.  The weather starting to make the walks sweaty.  I liked the cooler weather where I felt nice and clean (mostly) after the walk.

I walked by myself today.  Didn't ask or let the kiddos know that I was going.  That may be mean but they just had me so nervous running around like crazy that I thought a car would hit them.  

I didn't sleep well last night.  I went to bed about 10:30 and was up at 12:00-1:00, then back up from 3:00-6:00.  I hate when I do that.  But I did get to sleep until 9ish so I got a little of the sleep back.

Well, not sure what the day holds beside laundry and cleaning.  Guess I better get off of here and find out!

Toodles.....

Walking with kids...

I had my mile walk today with Donovan, Bella, and Lily.  It was almost nerve wrecking!  I walk on the road beside my house, it is a side road, but of course there are still cars that come up and down it.  The kids were going all crazy running up the road ahead of me, and I was afraid they were going to get hit by a car.  So I worried the whole walk.  Don't think that I will be taking them again on this road.  Maybe to the track if/when I go back there.

I had a Smartone for breakfast which was 10 pts.  No lunch cause I feel asleep. I overate dinner.  I had 2 helpings of spaghetti which ended up being 21 points!  That is CRAZY!  I thought that it would be a little higher, but not 21 points!  Won't be doing that again!

Today was definitely a lazy day.  I don't think I have accomplished really anything!  Oh well.  I guess we all need those days every now and again.

Have a great night all!

Toodles........

Just some things I am thankful for.  :-)

Mary Kay

I went to a Mary Kay debut party tonight with Regina and Sandy.  It was nice just to get to hang out with the girls.  I did order some foundation, powder, and foundation brush.  I hope this foundation does better on my face than the Wal-Mart products.  Having sebhorreic dermatitis sucks!  My face being all red and blotching.  Not to mention the flaky skin.  GROSS!  I hate it!  :-(

I weighed myself this morning and weighed 198.2.  SUCKS!  Why can't I lose this stupid weight.  It is like a freaking teeter-totter.  Up and down, up and down.  I just want it to go down and stay down.  I would love to be about 150 lbs.  I don't think that is asking for much!

I didn't get to go for my walk today because I went to the MK debut but I am definitely going to get my walk on tomorrow.  I have got to lose that 1.2 lbs for WW next week.  I am going to be so disappointed if I don't. 

What I ordered from Mary Kay.



Today was a pretty laid back day at work.  Just caught up on emails, wrote a few grievances  had a few phone calls, the usual.  I couldn't hardly wait for 3:30 to get there so I could get the heck outta there though!

Not sure what the plans for the weekend are yet.  Maybe just lazing around the house.

Toodles (leave me some comments, I am feeling lonely! lol)   :-)

Hot and Sweaty,,,,,,,,,

And not in a good way..  lol  Or is it?

Just finished my mile walk with Lily.  She wanted to go with me this time, and it makes the walk more bearable to have someone to talk to (even if it is a 4 year old).

I haven't followed my WW points today, but I haven't ate very much, so I think that I am okay on points today.  I need to go in and track what I ate and see where I am.

I had to work late, so I didn't get to go to WW weigh in.  :-(   I am thinking I would have been embarrassed anyway because I think (I am positive) that I gained this week.  I have been an eating machine this week. I don't know what is wrong with me.

I so hope that I can do better on my WW points next week and actually have a loss.  I am aiming for 1.2 lbs.    I know I have previously said it (or I think I did), that will give me my first 5 lb. star!!  WHOOP WHOOP!

Today went by pretty quick, which was kind of surprising since I had to work late.

Let's go get a WW dinner and get a shower.  Then relax and watch some tv.

Toodle loo....................

WW points...

I get 31 daily WW points, and I have been eating like 40+.  I am such a piggy.  I am hoping that i will have a lose tomorrow, even if it is a small one.  Because I don't want to go backwards on my weight loss.  I don't know why I have been so hungry this week, but it is seriously like I can't get enough food.

OH! I bought WW candy that is low points.  Smart move, right?  Yeah it is if you eat them in moderation.  I have been inhaling them.  Not like one a day, more like 3-4.  So how does that help me lose weight you ask?  Exactly!  It doesn't.

I did walk today, so that is at least a little productive   Didn't walk yesterday, and I am not sure why other than pure laziness.

As you can tell, I am not happy with myself right now.  I don't know why I sabotage myself like I do.

I was going to try to get back on track this week, but this week is seriously screwed.  Hopefully Friday I can get back on track and eat better and exercise more next week!

Wish me luck!!!!!!!

Bad Sunday...

First off, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all you wonderful mothers out there!

Today has been a blah day.  My eating has been crap, I have ate everything that I could get my hands on and have gone way over my WW points for the day.  Actually my points for the week.  :-(   I can't believe that! What is wrong with me!  Now I am going to ave to stick very closely to my 31 daily points and not go over at all if I want a loss this week.  I am so hoping and praying for at least a 1.2 lb loss so that I can get a 5 lb star.  :-)

Lily has been sick all weekend, bless her heart.  She was throwing up all day yesterday, and she hasn't thrown up today but she is just laying around not moving, eating, and barely drinking.  I am going to take her to the doctor tomorrow morning.  I think that it is just her allergies acting up but I just hate her being sick.

Today has just been a blah day.  But I am not going to complain too much.  I am blessed and I am not going to forget it!

Talk to you all later!